Finding my joy again

Over the last few months I’ve noticed myself becoming more and more of an angry person. That’s definitely not someone I ever thought I would be, nor do I want to continue to be an angry person. I was raised to look at the positive side of things and to seek out the positive in the negative. I know the culprit of my anger, yet I’m currently stuck dealing with it for the time being. 

However, this period of anger has allowed me to reflect on what makes me happy and what brings joy to my life – fostering, volunteering, traveling, hanging out with my friends doing low key things, yoga, hiking, reading, coloring, quilting, crafting classes, Netflix marathoning, and blogging. So often we get stuck in the swirl of life that we forget to pause, reflect, and recenter our lives. Why don’t I do more of these things? I find myself having to choose, both consciously and unconsciously, between what I have to do that I forget to focus on the things I want to do. Working, sleep, and basic chores, while all necessary in life, take a substantial amount of time and energy! #spoonielife

Of course the missing piece to this equation is finding the positive in my situation and anger. I’ve tried. I really have! But month after month the situation is getting worse. I’m playing out Flowers for Algernon in real life. How can you go back to the way things use to be after how they’ve been? The simple answer is you can’t! I desperately wish there was a way to go back in time and do something over, but that’s not how life works; and that really sucks sometimes! So until the situation can be changed, I’ll need to focus more on the things that bring me joy because that’s the only way I’m going to be tolerable to myself and to those around me.