Every woman has one – some are longer than others, while some are more detailed than others, some lists are based on experience, while other lists are based on movies and pop culture – but every woman has a list of criteria for their future mate to possess. Don’t worry men, these lists are not the end all, be all! But it is nice to date a man and know he has covered a few key points on your list.
Recently, my family has given me a hard time because my list is too difficult to meet, and thus I turn down most men who ask me out. I don’t see it that way. I feel like my list is a way to weed out the potential life partners from the scumbags. I’ve been told that my list resembles myself a little bit, and maybe that’s the point of some women’s lists? Maybe we are looking for someone similar to us, and other women are looking for the complete opposite! Regardless, here’s my list:
- Must be a kind person and a man of faith- no one wants to date an asshole. I’m not picturing a guy getting walked all over but a guy who is nice to their family, the homeless man on the street, his server, and the lost animal that he found. And having a man who I can go to church with or do mission trips with is also important.
- Educated and worldly – I feel like I’m pushing myself through graduate school to better myself, it would be nice if a guy was doing the same in one way or another. Plus, at the end of the day it would be nice to come home and talk to a guy about something other than the weather! I picture myself and my guy talking about the news, sustainability and environmental issues, and maybe even politics. Plus, I love to travel and if I couldn’t share that with the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with, well then clearly he’s not the right guy for me!!
- Must be funny and/or have a sense of humor – I’m pretty dorky, so it would be nice to share the dorkiness with someone else. Besides once body parts start to sag, I’ll be glad I have humor :))
- Honest and trustworthy – I’ve been burned by this a few times in the past, so of course this is important! Nobody wants to end up being the crazy-jealous partner who snoops through the other’s possessions because they are shady.
- The guy has a life of his own! – I’m a pretty busy person between my family and friends, work, school, my internship, volunteering, and hobbies. If a relationship depends on me being there then that means I have to give up all the things I enjoy and that make me who I am. That’s not to say that the guy can’t be apart of one of those categories or that we should never spend time together – just that we each have our own things to do and aren’t relying on the other person to make the relationship successful.
- Similar futures/goals – Nothing is worse than realizing you both have two totally opposite wants and desires for the future. Think marriage, kids, money and budgeting, retirement, etc…
When I look over my list, I feel like I have a very easy list, yet it weeds out many guys, which is the point. I watched the movie Beauty and the Briefcase on Netflix the other night. Hilary Duff’s character, Lane, is on a job to find a man who meets every item on her list, which consists of 10 things – some are superficial like for the guy to have an accent. *SPOILER ALERT* She falls for a man who meets all her criteria and finds out that he’s the wrong guy for her and she winds up with a guy who meets nothing on her checklist. Either the point of the movie is women need to ditch their list to find love or Lane needed to create a better list. I don’t think the answer is to ditch our lists though. For most women, I would assume these lists are personal and there are very good reasons for having certain bullet points and not others. I truly believe my list has prevented me from settling into a relationship that I wouldn’t be satisfied with. And after every relationship I revise my list to make sure it is still applicable. But I think that’s truly the point of the list for women, is growth. We create a list so we are constantly pushing ourselves away from relationships that weren’t beneficial for us and towards relationships that would make us happy, healthy, and give us peace of mind.
PS… I didn’t mind watching Beauty and the Briefcase, but I certainly wouldn’t watch it again.